Helping women in their 20s, 30s and 40s get unstuck in love, work and life

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jihan@thefulfillmentproject.com

The Fulfillment Project

Washington, DC

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Yoga Sutra 1.2: Letting Go

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My Introduction to Yoga

I’ve been practicing yoga on and off for the past 10 years or so. I attended my first yoga class with my sister, who was into Bikram Yoga at the time. He was not plagued by scandal then as he is now.

Although practicing it for the first time, I was no stranger to yoga, as my grandparents practiced Bikram yoga with Bikram himself in the late 80s in Hollywood. I remember as a child being very confused as to why my grandfather had doubled his home office into his yoga room, he installed a mirror and cranked up his floor heaters. I also remember my mother doing her morning stretches and throwing in yoga poses, but I just wasn’t curious enough, until my sister invited to me this yoga class in Silver Lake, CA. As soon as I walked through the door to the room where we would be practicing, it was blazing hot! I was thinking, how am I going to make it through 90 minutes of this! I thought I had entered hell, but I surprised myself. As time went on I got used to the heat, and I seemed to be making my way into at least half of the poses. I felt good afterwords!

Developing My Yoga Practice

I started going to classes in and around DC, and growing my practice. Soon, going to classes became a bit too time consuming, rushing after work, fighting work traffic or trying to find a parking space began to cut into why I was practicing yoga in the first place. So, began my home practice with Yoga with Adriene on YouTube. I love her videos still! All the benefits of yoga at home was great, but after a while of course I was craving to go deeper and connect with in person instruction, which led me to enrolling in a yoga teacher training! I started in December 2016, and boy am I going deeper, not only deeper into learning the asanas (poses) but also deeper into yogic philosophy which is meant to unite or join mind, body and spirit. I thought I always grasped the mental benefits of yoga, but the philosophy behind it is really a guide for how to be present, aware, openhearted and flexible not only on the mat but in our lives. It’s been enlightening thus far integrating these understandings into my practice and my life, and I would like to share my journey with you!

Going Beyond the Poses

I will be exploring sutras or short aphorisms that provides a guide for living from The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali as it has so many applications to life and how we live it. There’s 195 sutras that are like quick tips on how to live more consciously. No matter what your religious orientation is, yoga can help expand your awareness of the mind, body and spirit. I will be reflecting on a sutra once a week that speaks to me and my work with clients that I see.

If you’re down for some self-reflection, come along for the journey!

1.2 Yoga is the cessation [of identifying with] the fluctuations [arising within] consciousness. 

The meaning of ‘yoga’ is to unify or join together the mind, body and spirit. Many clients come to me feeling unhappy about the fact that they are not where they thought they would be at this time in their lives. Oftentimes, we identify with what we are not, instead of who we are, leaving us stuck and disconnected from ourselves. Maybe you thought you would be married by 25 or have a successful career, and now scrolling through your social media you become depressed as you watch your friends and acquaintances get engaged and land awesome jobs. And, so you might begin identifying with the thought that you’re going to be single forever or your current job is nothing to be proud of. You get down on yourself, wondering why you don’t have those things. The focus turns to all the things you’re not or don’t have versus all things you are and do have.

Practice: As various disturbing thoughts, emotions, or sensations arise, ask the question: “Could I let go?” Cultivate detachment towards them. 

Pay attention to what thoughts, emotions or sensations arise when you identify with the fluctuations. See if you can simply acknowledge the thoughts, emotions, or sensations that do arise, be curious about them (i.e., what is this bringing up for me?) and ask yourself, “Could I let go?”

Mantras: I celebrate/honor/value who I am. I am learning to cherish myself. I am not my thoughts or emotions. 

Intentions: I will listen to and honor my needs. I will not busy myself with distractions. 

Feel free to create your own mantras and intentions to make this a truly personal experience!

 

Filed Under: Self-Acceptance, Uncategorized, Yoga Tagged With:

I Can’t Believe Anyone Goes to Therapy (Says the Therapist)

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This article perfectly articulates the vulnerability that entering therapy can offer, but also the resiliency of the human spirit and the hope of change and transformation that can occur. I agree wholeheartedly with the idea of therapy as an investment in yourself. It involves some work and effort on your part. Unpacking some painful experiences in your life, can be unsettling and healing at the same time. It can be an amazing springboard for the life you now want to create. The fact that I get to support people in doing so is nothing short of amazing!

Artisan Clinical Associates writes:

Naperville therapists

My clients tend to think I’ll be surprised when they cancel a session.

The truth is, I’m surprised when they show up.

In fact, it amazes me whenever anyone chooses to go to therapy. Think about it. When you go to therapy, you’re choosing to be vulnerable. You’re choosing to move toward your pain rather than away from it. You’re choosing to sit in the midst of your uncertainty for a time, rather than spending all your energy shoring up your certitude about everything and everyone.

Keep reading…

Filed Under: Therapy

Brené Brown: Listening to Shame

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Let’s take a closer look at shame. Have you ever had a vulnerability hangover? Vulnerability involves risk and exposure, but is also “the birthplace of creativity, innovation and change,” Brené  Brown states.

Felt like you were never good enough? Felt like an impostor? Feel like a failure? That’s shame. It’s highly correlated with some gnarly issues, like addiction, depression, eating disorders, etc.

Watch Brené Brown’s TED talk HERE:

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Embracing my ‘shame gremlins’

This quote resonates with me, particularly as a woman of color and social worker attempting to help people embrace the idea of coming to therapy to get support and do the type of inner work that will help propel them out of their stuck-ness. I realize that not everybody is going to care about my offerings or even is going to relate to me. I realize that I may be judged or critiqued in my pursuit to help others and make a living doing it. I have to believe that I will connect with the right people at the right time. Being a therapist and a business owner is rewarding and scary all at the same time. So, at the worst, if I fail I will do so daring greatly.

Have some ‘shame gremlins’ you want to conquer once and for all? I can help you unpack the role shame has played in your life. Email me at jihan@thefulfillmentproject.com to set up a free 15 minute phone consultation.

Filed Under: Anxiety, Dreams, goals, Perfectionism, Relationships, Self-Worth, Shame Tagged With:

Feed the V: Tips and Tricks for Menstrual Self-Care

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PHOTO: JACQUELINE CUETO

Black Girl in Om writes…

Every month we encounter the same symptoms: backaches, bloating, tender breasts and dreaded cramps. For most women, having their periods is the worst time of the month. A period can feel like a painful inconvenience no one wants to deal with. We try to relieve the pain with medication sometimes to no avail. What would happen if we could take charge of our periods? If we could experience the best period, period? It’s something that’s completely possible and doable. It just takes practice and know how.

Menstrual self-care is vital to having a smoother and less painful period. Eating the right foods and tending to the needs of our bodies is something that most women either don’t know much about or forget about all together. Healing foods are all around you. Your kitchen is your natural medicine cabinet. There are foods with a wide range of healing properties: from alleviating pain to salving wounds and soothing unsettled tummies.

Here are five tips and tricks that I recommend to help kick cramps and aches to the curb:

Those delicious acaí smoothie bowls popping up on menus and your Instagram feed are no coincidence. Acaí is rich in B vitamins and minerals which your body especially needs during that time of the month. Carrots are known for relieving PMS irritability and asparagus relieves menstrual pains. Roast both of those together in the oven as a side dish and you’re set. A great concoction for treating menstrual symptoms is aloe vera juice, mint leaves and raspberries. This mojito-like drink (recipe at the end of my article!) calms you and helps numb pain.

Keep reading…

Filed Under: Health, Self-Care, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , ,

Defeating Emotional Blackmail and Manipulation with Susan Forward

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If you’re reading this, chances are you have been on either side of emotional blackmail and manipulation. This is such a huge issue in relationships of all kinds, from your partner to your supervisor. Emotional blackmail and manipulation is hooked up with your dignity, confidence, self-respect and sense of your courage.  I highly recommend listening to this episode HERE. 

Neil Sattin writes:

Have you been stuck in a cycle with someone that leaves you feeling like you can never win? Where you feel like you are always giving in? Not saying what you are really feeling? If so, you may be experiencing emotional blackmail. It’s not pretty, and you can be left with the uncomfortable feeling that there’s no way out without sacrificing who you are in the process. Don’t despair – there’s hope for you! In today’s episode, we’re going to chat with the world’s foremost expert on ending the grip of emotional blackmail, Dr. Susan Forward, one of the nation’s leading psychotherapists, and a New York Times bestselling author who has spent decades helping people break out of toxic cycles and discover healthier ways of relating.

55: Defeating Emotional Blackmail and Manipulation with Susan Forward

What is emotional blackmail? The structure of emotional blackmail begins with a demand, followed by pressure to fulfill the request, and finally, being threatened with punishing consequences. The threat can be blatant or subtle. Subtle threats come in the form of pouting, sulking, passive aggressive comments, while blatant threats are overtly articulated consequences of ‘if ____, then ____’.

Keep reading for show notes and resources…

Filed Under: Family, Relationships, Self-Care, Self-Worth Tagged With: , ,

5 (Doable) Ways to Increase the Love in Your Life

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Oprah writes:

Can we increase our ability to love and to be loved? Brené Brown, PhD, author of The Gifts of Imperfection, on what wholeheartedness means—and how you can take a few practical steps to cultivate it.

Hearts

If all the thousands of people I’ve interviewed and studied over the years—looking for patterns in the data—only about 15 to 20 percent were folks living with their whole hearts, folks who were really all in when it came to their relationships. So I decided I wanted to find out why. What quality did these people have that made them so capable of both receiving and giving love?

When I examined my research, I discovered that these were people who deeply believed that they were worthy of love and belonging. These folks believed this regardless of the circumstances, unlike the majority of us who think: “Okay, I’m worthy of love and belonging a little bit, but I’ll be superworthy if I get promoted. Or I’ll be superworthy if I lose 20 pounds.” These folks believed that they were loveable and that they had a place in the world, and those beliefs translated into specific choices they made every day. They were aware. They recognized shame, and they knew how to deal with it. They recognized vulnerability, and they were willing to feel it—rather than ignore or numb it.

What I wondered was, How do the rest of us cultivate these same qualities? It’s not like we can just decide to be vulnerable or say, “Hey, I’m worthy,” after which—poof—this instantly comes true. But there are practical changes you can make in your life which encourage these beliefs. Here are five basic everyday actions that can help you develop a deeper, more loving sense of wholeheartedness, both for others and for yourself.

Keep reading…

Filed Under: Anxiety, Self-Care, Self-Worth Tagged With: , ,

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: The danger of a single story

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TED writes:

 Our lives, our cultures, are composed of many overlapping stories. Novelist Chimamanda Adichie tells the story of how she found her authentic cultural voice — and warns that if we hear only a single story about another person or country, we risk a critical misunderstanding.

Listen here for the full TED talk.

My thoughts on self-worth and a ‘single story’

I had been meaning to listen to this TED talk for some time, and was so glad I finally took the time to listen to it recently. Its a reminder to me that we all have stories about ourselves and other people and how dangerous it can be when it comes to a ‘single story.’ The power of a ‘single story’ can have a longstanding impact on people’s lives.

I often find that people have generated a ‘single story’ about their personal potential, family, career, body image and worthiness. The stories we tell ourselves often come from our early childhood in which there was a specific event that told us that we weren’t good enough. We carry these stories into adulthood believing we are not worthy of love or being seen and heard. And, yet we are so much more than a ‘single story.’ In fact that ‘single story’ doesn’t begin to tell the whole story of who you are. 

I’m curious to know what ‘single story’ have you told yourself about yourself now or in the past? And, what new story would you like to create that embodies all that you are?

If this resonates with you, and you would like to create a new story, email me at jihan@thefulfillmentproject.com.

Filed Under: Self-Worth, Uncategorized

The Magic Of Mercury Retrograde

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Ever curious about what Mercury Retrograde really means during certain times of the year? Whether you believe in it or not, I think there are some valuable takeaways that can be applied to your life.

The Hoodwitch writes:

Mercury Retrograde August 30th  to September 22nd, 2016

Mercury goes retrograde and this transit has such a bad reputation,  but truly it is just a normal pattern + cycle of our life. In fact,  Mercury retrograde is very necessary for helping us shift our focus and learning the role of Mercury is key.

Mercury is the planet associated with all forms of communication, it rules over how we express ourselves + how we think and how we communicate our ideas and feelings to the outside world. It corresponds to different things in different areas of application, such as it’s association with the lungs and hands in medical astrology, the media in a natal chart, or the electrical system in a car. In human beings, Mercury is identified with the nervous system and also all forms of sensory input.  So when Mercury goes retrograde, this planetary shift will actually help us to also shift our focus away from expressing outwards and into expressing inwards. Don’t be afraid to take the journey!

Keep reading…

Filed Under: Uncategorized

This Woman Opened A Hotel in Jamaica With No Money And Changed Her Life

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Forbes writes:

Have you ever gone on vacation and said to yourself, “I could live here?” On a trip to Jamaica, Kalisa Martin entertained that idea — and actually went through with it.

It was during a lingering and nasty New York City winter in March 2014. Martin and her boyfriend Jeff Belizaire decided to escape the snow by taking a last-minute getaway to Jamaica. At the time, Martin had a dream job in the New York culinary world: brand director at Tasting Table, a digital destination for culinary enthusiasts. She also appeared on national television shows like Good Morning America.

But there was something about that trip that spoke to Martin — profoundly.

 

Kalisa Martin Runaway Jamaica hotel

Kalisa Martin left her job to found The Runaway Jamaica, a Kickstarter-funded bed-and-breakfast. (Courtesy of The Runaway)

“That long weekend, the idea of the B&B concept came up and we thought, ‘Why not?’ It could happen, and it could happen right here in Jamaica,” said 30-year-old Martin. “That was the first time we seriously considered the idea.”

 Keep reading…

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Upcoming DC Event: Catch A Vibe on 8/21 @3pm

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Come join me in DC on Sunday, August 21 at 3pm for an afternoon filled with good vibes and inspiration.

Have you ever wondered where your passions lie? Have trouble identifying what your interests are?

Discover these things and more in a bit of twist to your average vision board party. Creating your vibe board will allow you to get in touch with that you are most called to and what most aligns with your spirit. In a supportive, intimate gathering, get inspired and get clear about the many places you find yourself stuck. A limited number of tickets are being offered, to keep this experience as special and intimate as possible.

For tickets, register at Eventbrite here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/catch-a-vibe-create-a-vibe-board-tickets-26809622302 

Catch a Vibe

Filed Under: Dreams, goals, Passion, Self-Care, Uncategorized Tagged With: , ,